To Be Giving Thanks

It certainly has been a year of anxiety and concern all over the area, causing a definite increase in the amount of children and parents I have assisted this school year. But I urge all of us to take a moment to step off the chaos treadmill and really consider what this up coming break is all about!

Thankfulness comes from a feeling of wholeness, that nothing is missing, that there is no one you need to retaliate against. In fact, thankfulness often crosses over into wanting to show gratitude by giving to others. Thankfulness cannot exist at the same time as anger or other negative emotions, but it is also an emotion that requires you to push the "pause" button on life.

Gratitude is an emotion expressing appreciation for what one has—as opposed to, say, a consumer-oriented emphasis on what one wants or needs—and is currently receiving a great deal of attention as a facet of positive psychology. Gratitude is what gets poured into the glass to make it half full. Studies show that gratitude not only can be deliberately cultivated but can increase levels of well-being and happiness among those who do cultivate it. In addition, grateful thinking—and especially expression of it to others—is associated with increased levels of energy, optimism, and empathy.

If you are struggling with either, Dr. Barton Goldsmith from Psychology Today has made a cheat sheet on 10 things to be Thankful for:

1. Be thankful for growing older. Not everyone gets this opportunity. Aging with health and grace is a rare and beautiful gift.
2. Be thankful that you can read these words. It is a very sad thing that many people do not have the ability to read.
3. If you have to wait in line at the supermarket for your Thanksgiving dinner, be thankful that you can afford what you want to eat and have a convenient place to buy it. We are all aware of the many people waiting in line to have a meal at the local homeless shelter.
4. Be thankful for the ability to pay your bills, even if it means that you have to give up some things that you want. Remember that having basic needs met is a luxury for many people.
5. If you have to get up before dawn to get to work, be thankful that you get to see another sunrise and have a job to go to. Think about what it would be like if you slept everyday until noon and spent the rest of your waking hours wondering what to do with your life.
6. When you're stuck in traffic, be thankful you have a car to get where you need to go and money to buy gas. Standing in the rain while waiting for a bus is, at the very least, uncomfortable.
7. When the kids are screaming at each other, be thankful that you have children to love and who love you, and remember that at least some of the time, they do get along. There will always be bumps in the road, but they are usually followed by easier times.
8. When your mate is acting grumpy or giving you a hard time, be thankful for having love in your life and someone to grow old with. A life partner is something that less than half the population has. Having your partner is a blessing that needs to be counted several times.
9. When your parents are telling you how to run your life, be thankful that you still have them around. If they are no longer with you, take a moment to be thankful for the time you had with them.
10. When you sit down with your loved ones for your Thanksgiving dinner, be thankful for everyone and everything that makes it possible. Look your family and friends in the eye and express to them your gratitude for sharing this wonderful time together.

Marching toward Thanksgiving

We still soldier on in that longest time of the year between Labor Day and Thanksgiving, and while my office has on some days resembled more of a deli counter ("Now Serving #24), things remain fantastic overall here at Bayside.

We had a great Homecoming full of school spirit, and our amazing Athletes have won championships, gone to playoffs, sectionals and state competitions. Additionally, we are wrapping up our celebration of Red Ribbon Week. This year we brought the message of making safe and healthy choices down to the lower grades through Character Education in First through Sixth Grades including a message for the littlest ones about medicine safety (as they often confuse drugs and medicine). A red sock day proved fun for all, and those caught spreading the message earned a special surprise.

I have been working diligently to remain proactive here in the counseling office, which is hard when children are so reactive. This is especially true during the middle school years. I urge all parents to help their middle school aged children to stop feeding the drama llama. The drama llama is a creature that invades the middle-schooler's life alongside hormones and increased academic work.

While these tweens and early teens are beginning to struggle with finding their own true self-identity, they often get caught up in the waves of drama surrounding them. Urge your children to be a good friend by listening, but not adding to the drama with friends in seeming "crises" (that aren't really). While they may have this new sudden interest in girls or boys that wasn't there before, strongly encourage them to make time for the friends they had before being stuck by cupid's arrow (because those friends will be there after the boy/girl is long gone) and to not give up on their passions (whether athletics, art, music, dance, etc.). Most of all, stay involved.

They are most likely giving you next to nothing to work with, one word answers and mumbles are the norm. But keep pushing, this doesn't mean you are being smothering by wanting to know what your children are up to. Asking 40 questions to get 10 answers is better than asking 10 questions and finding out nothing. Continue to monitor their lives, even as they seek (and should receive) independence. It is reasonable and responsible to what to know the who/what/where/when/why of their time. This is especially true with technology, as these children have access to each other all the time, even if it isn't face to face. And believe me, that drama llama gets fed most of all through texts/emails/IMs, when things get lost in digital translation!

Here are some tips from this weeks Common Sense Media newsletter:

Common Sense Rules of the Road for Parents

1. Model good behavior. If we’re on our Blackberries or iPhones at dinner, why will our kids listen to us when we tell them to turn theirs off?

2. Pay attention. We have to know where our kids are going online -- and what they're doing there.

3. Impart our values. Cheating, lying, being cruel -- they’re all non-starters. Right and wrong extends to online and mobile life.

4. Establish limits. Phone time, video download time, destinations. There’s really a right time and place for everything.

5. Encourage balance. Get kids involved in offline activities -- especially where there's no cell service.

6. Make kids accountable. If they have a privilege, make sure they earn it.

7. Explain what's at stake. Let kids know that what they do today can be abused by someone tomorrow.

8. Find ways to say "yes." That means we have to do some homework and know the sites they visit, the songs they download, etc. -- and find ways to use technology that lets us say “yes” more often than we say “no.”

9. Don't be technophobic. It's not rocket science.

10. Lighten up, embrace their world, and enjoy the possibilities together. None of us want digital divides in our relationships with our kids. It's up to us to join the fun and help them seize the potential.