-Rodney Carrington
If you are feeling as though the gap between you and your child is growing wider with each passing moment, you are not alone. Since being on forced desk duty since breaking my foot, I have felt more than little out of the loop, frightened that this month in my office has caused me to lose all connection I had with the students!
I often have parents wonder how they can be closer to their children without (and that is the key word) smothering them. It seems that children are pushing their parents away at an earlier and earlier age. And no wonder, considering how much independence they are given!
Here are some easy (and cheap) ways to connect or reconnect with your children:
- Make everyday moments matter: Instead of letting your child tune you out with his iPod or returning calls while ferrying them around, use the time you spend in the car with them as "connection" time, not "task" time. While you may have 1001 things to do before 9am, knowing what your child is up to is far more important. Also, don't take "nothing" or "fine" as complete answers. Another option is to take a 30 minute walk together. This forces together time and sneaks in a healthy habit as you get to know your child.
- Watch your words: The quote above seemed very appropriate. I am often astounded at the way children speak to each other, their teachers, and their parents. But I am less shocked after listening to what they are hearing! Ensure you are modeling good behavior including clamping down on sarcasm and put downs. Try to speak respectful and cordially even when upset or not getting the same in return. The emotional damage that can occur from verbal assaults can have a lasting and devastating effect on your children. The calmer you are when you speak to your children, the more likely they will be to come to you with problems, but you will often have to be the one to open the lines of communication.
- Reach out and touch: The effect of human touch is profound, children are not able to thrive without it. Touch sends a powerful message of closeness and connection without having to say anything. Seize every opportunity to hug your child, squeeze them on the shoulder, or give them a peck on the cheek. Some words of caution with teens: you have to respect their space and reputation, if you try to touch them with friends around, they will most likely rebuff you. Wait to you are alone, or find affection alternatives.
- Slow it down: It is no small thing that children are overbooked with school, activities, sports, play dates, church and so on. There has never been a better time to push the pause button on you and your children's' lives in order to evaluate what is most important to you. This may take a little soul searching on your part, but it will be well worth it. Also, in slowing things down, you will observe many moments you will cherish that you would have missed in the non-stop schedule of before. Take time to play with your children with a game night. Camp out in the backyard, have a picnic in the living room. Teach your child something you learned as a child (like hula hooping or skating).
- Date night or day: If you have more than one child, it is important to set aside a time one on one with each child, even if it is as simple as letting the oldest go to bed a little later one night a week to sit on the couch with you and chat. You don't have to go all out on these "dates", remember they are about reconnecting, not buying love! Also, don't forget to set aside time to spend with your partner, as you two need alone time just as much.
- Lend a helping hand: A family is strengthened when each member knows that the other has their back. Enlist your children's help in household chores, and help them with school projects or studying. Another family strengthener is to do good together through volunteer work.
- Gather round: One of "easiest" ways to connect with your children is to have the family sit down to eat at the same time. This is often difficult due to full schedules and working parents, but it strengthens bonds quickly. A family that eats together grows great children! Studies have shown that families that eat together have children that eat better, get into less trouble, and get better grades.
Sources: Associated Content http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/591709/5_ways_to_get_closer_to_your_child_pg2.html?cat=25
Parents Magazine http://www.parents.com/teens-tweens/communication/talking-to-kids/get-closer-to-teens/?page=3
Women's Day Magazine http://www.womansday.com/Content/Family-Lifestyle/12-Ways-to-Bring-Your-Family-Closer
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