Friday, December 11, 2009

Character Education Girls in 4th, 5th, 6th Grades

Today I held a Character Education Class with the girls in the 4th, 5th, and 6th grades during each classes PE time. As it 'tis the season, we talked about Christmas, Hanukkah, Diwali, Kwanzaa, and the Winter Solstice. Most of the conversations centered around Christmas and each of the girl's perceptions of that holiday. Many of them spoke about "things" and "stuff", so we went in-depth on the true meaning of Christmas and the spirit of the season. While I know every family has their own traditions based on their own individual spiritual beliefs, I wanted to touch on the general concepts of goodwill and gratitude. We spoke at length about gratitude and what it means to each of them. We also discussed how each of them can individually show gratitude. We also did a "gratitude" adjustment exercise where each of them wrote nice things on a note card about the others in their small group.

I hope this Character Ed class reminded each of your daughters how lucky they are and the power they have to effect change on another person's life through their choices each day. I also hope that each of you will model gratitude, goodwill, thankfulness, and peace to each of your children not only this holiday season, but each and every day!

I will be tackling the boys and the 3rd grade on Monday!

Let's Talk about S-E-X-ting

I have had a few emails, phone calls and what not since "sexting" has been in the news this week. While I am not putting out an official school or administrative stance on the issues, I did want to send along some information from a Cyberbullying research group (because I am all about data!):

Recently, we’ve received calls and inquiries about “sexting” and the Jesse Logan case, and so I thought we’d discuss the matter here. For those looking for an official definition, we characterize “sexting” as “the sending or receiving of sexually-suggestive or explicit text or pictures via one’s cell phone.” Anecdotally, it seems that the phenomenon is growing in frequency and prevalence, and has garnered a significant amount of attention in the last month due to the publicizing of Jesse Logan’s suicide in July 2008. In that tragic situation, the 18-year-old girl took her life after an ex-boyfriend circulated nude pictures of her to a large number of their high school peers. What is interesting is that Jessie contacted the media after the incident about the harassment, but nothing substantive was done in response by any authority figures. Two months later, she committed suicide after suffering scholastically and relationally on account of the humiliation and abuse she received from classmates. Eight months later, we are seeing more cases of law enforcement and district attorneys coming down hard (with child pornography convictions) on youth or young adult males who circulate pictures of their underage girlfriends (or ex-girlfriends), and some would argue these convictions are overkill, outside of the original intentions of legislators who formulated the laws, and a double standard that unfairly punishes minors for what adults sometimes do with impunity. Others believe that such strict interpretation of the law (where it is a felony to take, send or keep any sexually-explicit image of a minor) is necessary in order to prevent tragedies like the Jesse Logan case.

I talked to a school administrator today who underscored how big of an issue this was in their district, gave some suggestions as to what could be done - and when schools could step in and confiscate and search cell phones of students for evidence. We believe schools (and parents) should at this point emphatically stress to youth that sending, receiving, or storing sexually-suggestive pictures on their phones is extremely risky and could lead to criminal prosecution. They should also underscore the importance of never taking and sending these types of pictures of themselves to anyone - even those they trust - because of the ease with which they can be forwarded or shared with others (friends, acquaintances, and strangers). Finally, educators should remind youth that they will work closely with law enforcement should this behavior occur among the student body. Teens must realize beyond a shadow of a doubt that the act is not worth the pain, humiliation, and penalties that will likely result.

With regard to hard empirical data, the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and Cosmogirl.com recently conducted a survey of over 1200 youth which found that 22% of girls and 18% of boys have electronically sent or posted nude or semi-nude pictures of themselves. We are currently studying the phenomenon and will share our findings as soon as possible.

Additionally, I urge all parents to look at the cell phone/texting/sexting/electronics guides at
MediaWise and Common Sense Media

Friday, December 4, 2009

Oh the weather outside is frightful...

Well not really, but it *is* cold and I did see rumors of snow or sleet in the forecast and for a moment I forgot we were on the Gulf Coast! But judging from the stress of the students who have been in my office this week, we must be getting close to finals time!

I had a wonderful talk with the Lower School Parent Alliance Members and I am looking forward to their suggestion of not only having a School Counseling Blog, but also a page forthcoming on Edline. Taylor Strunk and I are working on the technical details to get it launched as soon as possible.

Since I know many of you are currently trying to finish/start/avoid holiday shopping, I wanted to pass on some great advice from Common Sense Media:

End the Battle Over Holiday Wish Lists

Kids often give their parents major grief for crossing "cool" games off of holiday wish lists. In kid logic, games are "cool" when they have awesome graphics and gameplay, envelope-pushing storylines, and all manners of weaponry. And they aren't wrong. The games they want typically are well constructed, thoughtful, and exciting. But they're often inappropriate for the teens who hunger for them.

A lot of this season's most talked-about games include ones with excessive violence, negative role models, extreme gore, sociopathic behavior, and other things that have been proven to have a negative effect on kids.

So how do you give kids what they want without giving them what you don't want? Know your options. Follow our tips on a choosing great video games, check out our 2009 video game gift guide, and offer alternatives that don't veer into unhealthy territory.

We've compiled a list of this season's hottest games, plus 10 you can say yes to. In choosing our alternatives, we stuck with T-rated titles geared for ages 12-15, and we matched gaming systems -- so if you nix an M-rated PS3 game, you can replace it with a similar T-rated PS3 game.


10 Cool Games That Are Uncool for Kids (and 10 Alternatives)

Assassin's Creed II Authentically recreated Renaissance cities, near photo-realistic action, and historical accuracy make this a great game for mature players. But playing as an assassin who relies on an arsenal of weapons makes the violence excessive.
Alternative: Mirror's Edge

Borderlands This first-person shooter earned critical acclaim for its innovative use of weaponry, comic-book-like world, and online play. But the game (which has a cover that shows a character shooting himself in the head) has strong language, human enemies used as target practice, mature humor, and lots of blood and gore.
Alternative: Infamous

Brutal Legend Cartoon-like in its graphics and delivery, this fantasy action game nonetheless features plenty of violence, including the ability to hack and slash demonic armies with your double-sided axe.
Alternative: Ghostbusters: The Video Game

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 An immersive first-person perspective ups the realism of this shooter, which contains a controversial (but optional) level where you go undercover as an enemy terrorist.
Alternative: Battlefield: Bad Company

Dead Space: Extraction This atmospheric, horror-filled tale offers players a unique cooperative play option, but its use of violence -- like blood spurting out of victims' bodies, human carcasses littering the floor, blood-stained walls and floors, and copious screams of torture -- put it over the top.
Alternative: Deadly Creatures

Dragon Age: Origins This is a masterly crafted but combat-heavy game featuring decapitations and swords plunged deeply into monsters' chests.
Alternative: Braid

Grand Theft Auto IV: The Ballad of Gay Tony Frequent and ruthless violence, gratuitous sex, lawlessness, drinking, drugs -- this isn't a game for kids. But the fully interactive open world offers an immersive diversion for hardcore gamers.
Alternative: Batman: Arkham Asylum

Demon's Souls It's not just the copious amounts of blood and the smaller enemies who fall like rag dolls at your feet -- this game also has a depressing vibe. Because you constantly die, it can break the spirit of even the most seasoned gamer, but hardcore players relish this kind of challenge.
Alternative: Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

Left 4 Dead 2 Teamwork is an essential component of this super-gory shooter, but violence -- players are meant to gawk at and appreciate the extreme levels of gore -- plays a much greater role.
Alternative: Overlord II

Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars Don't let the cartoon-like look and DS platform fool you. While this game's fully realized world and challenging missions are fun for adults, players can use the services of prostitutes, run over pedestrians, and kill police officers.
Alternative: C.O.P.: The Recruit

Video Game Editor Jinny Gudmunsen contributed to this article.

Have a great weekend full of holiday cheer, and keep warm!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

To Be Giving Thanks

It certainly has been a year of anxiety and concern all over the area, causing a definite increase in the amount of children and parents I have assisted this school year. But I urge all of us to take a moment to step off the chaos treadmill and really consider what this up coming break is all about!

Thankfulness comes from a feeling of wholeness, that nothing is missing, that there is no one you need to retaliate against. In fact, thankfulness often crosses over into wanting to show gratitude by giving to others. Thankfulness cannot exist at the same time as anger or other negative emotions, but it is also an emotion that requires you to push the "pause" button on life.

Gratitude is an emotion expressing appreciation for what one has—as opposed to, say, a consumer-oriented emphasis on what one wants or needs—and is currently receiving a great deal of attention as a facet of positive psychology. Gratitude is what gets poured into the glass to make it half full. Studies show that gratitude not only can be deliberately cultivated but can increase levels of well-being and happiness among those who do cultivate it. In addition, grateful thinking—and especially expression of it to others—is associated with increased levels of energy, optimism, and empathy.

If you are struggling with either, Dr. Barton Goldsmith from Psychology Today has made a cheat sheet on 10 things to be Thankful for:

1. Be thankful for growing older. Not everyone gets this opportunity. Aging with health and grace is a rare and beautiful gift.
2. Be thankful that you can read these words. It is a very sad thing that many people do not have the ability to read.
3. If you have to wait in line at the supermarket for your Thanksgiving dinner, be thankful that you can afford what you want to eat and have a convenient place to buy it. We are all aware of the many people waiting in line to have a meal at the local homeless shelter.
4. Be thankful for the ability to pay your bills, even if it means that you have to give up some things that you want. Remember that having basic needs met is a luxury for many people.
5. If you have to get up before dawn to get to work, be thankful that you get to see another sunrise and have a job to go to. Think about what it would be like if you slept everyday until noon and spent the rest of your waking hours wondering what to do with your life.
6. When you're stuck in traffic, be thankful you have a car to get where you need to go and money to buy gas. Standing in the rain while waiting for a bus is, at the very least, uncomfortable.
7. When the kids are screaming at each other, be thankful that you have children to love and who love you, and remember that at least some of the time, they do get along. There will always be bumps in the road, but they are usually followed by easier times.
8. When your mate is acting grumpy or giving you a hard time, be thankful for having love in your life and someone to grow old with. A life partner is something that less than half the population has. Having your partner is a blessing that needs to be counted several times.
9. When your parents are telling you how to run your life, be thankful that you still have them around. If they are no longer with you, take a moment to be thankful for the time you had with them.
10. When you sit down with your loved ones for your Thanksgiving dinner, be thankful for everyone and everything that makes it possible. Look your family and friends in the eye and express to them your gratitude for sharing this wonderful time together.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Marching toward Thanksgiving

We still soldier on in that longest time of the year between Labor Day and Thanksgiving, and while my office has on some days resembled more of a deli counter ("Now Serving #24), things remain fantastic overall here at Bayside.

We had a great Homecoming full of school spirit, and our amazing Athletes have won championships, gone to playoffs, sectionals and state competitions. Additionally, we are wrapping up our celebration of Red Ribbon Week. This year we brought the message of making safe and healthy choices down to the lower grades through Character Education in First through Sixth Grades including a message for the littlest ones about medicine safety (as they often confuse drugs and medicine). A red sock day proved fun for all, and those caught spreading the message earned a special surprise.

I have been working diligently to remain proactive here in the counseling office, which is hard when children are so reactive. This is especially true during the middle school years. I urge all parents to help their middle school aged children to stop feeding the drama llama. The drama llama is a creature that invades the middle-schooler's life alongside hormones and increased academic work.

While these tweens and early teens are beginning to struggle with finding their own true self-identity, they often get caught up in the waves of drama surrounding them. Urge your children to be a good friend by listening, but not adding to the drama with friends in seeming "crises" (that aren't really). While they may have this new sudden interest in girls or boys that wasn't there before, strongly encourage them to make time for the friends they had before being stuck by cupid's arrow (because those friends will be there after the boy/girl is long gone) and to not give up on their passions (whether athletics, art, music, dance, etc.). Most of all, stay involved.

They are most likely giving you next to nothing to work with, one word answers and mumbles are the norm. But keep pushing, this doesn't mean you are being smothering by wanting to know what your children are up to. Asking 40 questions to get 10 answers is better than asking 10 questions and finding out nothing. Continue to monitor their lives, even as they seek (and should receive) independence. It is reasonable and responsible to what to know the who/what/where/when/why of their time. This is especially true with technology, as these children have access to each other all the time, even if it isn't face to face. And believe me, that drama llama gets fed most of all through texts/emails/IMs, when things get lost in digital translation!

Here are some tips from this weeks Common Sense Media newsletter:

Common Sense Rules of the Road for Parents

1. Model good behavior. If we’re on our Blackberries or iPhones at dinner, why will our kids listen to us when we tell them to turn theirs off?

2. Pay attention. We have to know where our kids are going online -- and what they're doing there.

3. Impart our values. Cheating, lying, being cruel -- they’re all non-starters. Right and wrong extends to online and mobile life.

4. Establish limits. Phone time, video download time, destinations. There’s really a right time and place for everything.

5. Encourage balance. Get kids involved in offline activities -- especially where there's no cell service.

6. Make kids accountable. If they have a privilege, make sure they earn it.

7. Explain what's at stake. Let kids know that what they do today can be abused by someone tomorrow.

8. Find ways to say "yes." That means we have to do some homework and know the sites they visit, the songs they download, etc. -- and find ways to use technology that lets us say “yes” more often than we say “no.”

9. Don't be technophobic. It's not rocket science.

10. Lighten up, embrace their world, and enjoy the possibilities together. None of us want digital divides in our relationships with our kids. It's up to us to join the fun and help them seize the potential.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

S-T-R-E-S-S, Stress, stress, stressstress!

Ask many adults what they think of when you mention “senior year of high school” and they most likely will conjure up images of prom, football games, college visits, and spending time with friends. They might even through in that word “senioritis”. Ask an actual Senior in High School and they will sum it up with another word…STRESS!

Between AP classes and SATs and ACTs and college searches and Mrs. Willis bugging for that résumé/brag letter/application on top of trying to juggle visiting friends who have already left for college and trying to hold on to the ones still here before you leave and trying to decide where to go and how to pay for it and what you want to do with the REST OF YOUR LIFE…whoa, I think I just had a flashback!

Before you give yourself a panic attack, take a few deep breaths and remember these things:

• Develop time management skills. Don’t over schedule your day. Create realistic expectations and deadlines. Plan ahead and prioritize tasks. You may have to say “No” to some things.

• Pace yourself. Remember that life is a marathon, not a sprint. That goes for school and the college admission process.

• Don’t let little things become big things. Take care of small tasks as they arise before they become MAJOR CRISES.

• Remember, NOBODY is perfect. Don’t demand perfection from yourself or from others. Not everyone gets to be #1 and that is OK!!!

• Take time out of your busy schedule to have fun or relax. Find out what activities engender a feeling of well-being within you. It could be reading for pleasure, playing music or singing, meditation, deep breathing exercises, an afternoon power nap, a game of chess—anything that takes your mind off school and relaxes you.

• Regular exercise is a proven method of minimizing stress. Find something vigorous to do that increases your heart rate for at least 20 minutes a few times a week. You can combine this with the one above (see: time management!).

• Eat well, be well. Too much junk food or fast food will contribute to your high stress levels. Good nutrition is essential to a healthy mind and body.

• Get plenty of rest. Avoid all-nighters and eleventh-hour cram sessions fueled by caffeine. Sleeplessness and chronic fatigue exacerbate stress.

• Stay positive. Don’t get caught in a cycle of negativity and frustration. Look for solutions to problems. Learn to be patient and understanding of other people’s behavior.

• Seek professional help if you feel overburdened and unable to cope. Don’t put off talking to me or another trusted adult if you feel overwhelmed by stress.

• Don’t shut out your parents. According to the Mayo clinic, “Adolescents who have positive relationships with their parents tend to handle stress more effectively as adults.”

Remember that stress is a part of life. It’s a byproduct of the fight-or-flight function of our nervous system. Acute stress can save us in a crisis or cause us to rise to the challenge of an important event, but chronic stress brought about by the pressures of daily life can be debilitating unless managed. You have more control than you think, you just need to center yourself every once and a while!

Friday, September 25, 2009

New Bullying Law Takes Effect

Passing this along from the Times-Daily. Every parent and educator should be aware of this!

Bully law takes effect

Published: Thursday, September 17, 2009 at 3:30 a.m.

Alabama is among the most recent of 44 states to pass an anti-bullying law, which will go into effect Oct. 1.

Until now, there haven't been any legal repercussions from bullying and it's an issue the state has long needed to address, said longtime educator Lisa Moses, of Florence, who said bullying is one area addressed in another new piece of legislation known as Taylor's Law. Under that law, a student's behavior at school, including bullying, can delay the student from acquiring a driver's license.

"Bullying has too long been ignored on the school level and has somewhat been accepted with a 'boys will be boys' attitude," Moses said. "Kids need to be able to report these things anonymously, but they don't trust that it will be kept quiet and they're scared."

Moses said schools have a duty to see that bullies get the help they need to change their behavior.

"Research shows that bullies have a much higher risk of having a criminal record," she said. "We're just as responsible for helping those kids."

In 2007, nearly a third of students ages 12 to 18 reported having been bullied during the school year, according to data on more than 55 million students compiled annually by the National Center for Education Statistics.

That's up from as few as 1 in 10 students in the '90s, though bullying experts point out the rising numbers may reflect more reports of bullying, not necessarily more incidents.

Of the states that expressly ban bullying - primarily prompted by a rash of school shootings beginning in the late 1990's - few measures have identified children who excessively pick on their peers. And few offer any method for ensuring anti-bullying policies are enforced, according to the National Council of State Legislatures.

The issue came to a head in April when 11-year-old Jaheem Herrera committed suicide at his Atlanta-area home after his parents say he was repeatedly tormented in school. District officials denied it, and an independent review found bullying wasn't a factor, a conclusion his family rejects.

Regardless, Georgia's law, among the toughest in the nation, still would not have applied: It only applies to students in grades sixth to 12th. Herrera was a fifth-grader.

Alabama's law covers grades pre-kindergarten through 12th. The sponsor of the bill, State Rep. Betty Carol Graham, D-Alexander City, said the new Alabama law was three years in the making and grew out of the rise in suicides among youth in the state and nation.

"Home and school should be the two safest places in the world for children, and Alabama didn't have a policy in place to assure that in schools," Graham said. "Not only is that unbelievable, it's unforgiveable."

Graham said there could be more legislation added to the law in the future. "I'm not bowing out of the process now that the law is passed. This Legislature will stand ready to make any changes or additions as needed. We believe in it that much."

Florence Middle School Principal Bill Griffin has been a proponent of anti-bullying policies for years. He said the intimidation factor is key to bullies being successful. Teaching students to speak up for themselves and tell someone in authority about incidences of bullying is the hard part.

"The most important word in a bully's vocabulary is 'snitch' and he or she operates strictly by that student's silence," Griffin said. "We have to empower other students, too, to speak up on behalf of those being bullied, to come and tell us.

"Yes, we have an obligation as educators to be vigilant and watch for bullying, but we have to get students to talk to us. Communication is key."

After Herrera's death in Georgia, other parents came forward to say their children had been bullied and that school officials did nothing with the complaints, rendering the state's law useless.

"There is a systematic problem," said Mike Wilson, who said his 12-year-old daughter was bullied for two years in the same school district where Herrera died. "The lower level employees, the teachers, the principals, are trying to keep this information suppressed."

Only six states - Montana, Hawaii, Wisconsin, Massachusetts, North Dakota and South Dakota - and the District of Columbia lack specific laws targeting school bullying, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures. Most states require school districts to adopt open-ended policies to prohibit bullying and harassment.

"The states themselves can't micromanage a school district - but they can say to a school district, 'Look, you have to have consequences,' " said Brenda High, whose Web site, Bully Police USA, tracks anti-bullying laws across the nation and who advocates for strict repercussions for bullies. The Washington state-based advocate's son, Jared, was 13 when he committed suicide in 1998 after complaining of bullying.

"It needs to be written into the law that bullying has the same consequences as assault," she said. "The records and such need to be kept so that if the child is a chronic bully, they - after so many instances - will end up in an alternative school."

Lisa Singleton-Rickman can be reached at 740-5735 or lisa.singleton-rickman@TimesDaily.com

The Associated Press contributed to this report.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Teen "Horror"-mones or Something More Serious?

There is little doubt that the stereotype of the adolescent monster holds some truth. Parents shrink in fear of this hostile, moody, defiant creature their once angelic child has turned into. It doesn't help that teens seem to have an invisible switch they can turn on and off at the slightest whim. Hormonal changes in the adolescent years can often cause a temperamental nature not seen in a bubbly tween. Comparisons with other teens if often not effective. Like snowflakes, no two teens are alike. Additionally, the severity of acting out is a constant continuum. Is a child sullen or genuinely unhappy? If you can even get your teen to talk, are they revealing their deep and darkest secrets? Are you still missing something? These questions can cause severe doubt and worry in even the most seasoned parent. Parents will often wonder when a Jekyll and Hyde routine crosses the line into something needing serious intervention.

Parents should be aware that there are normal growing pains during adolescence, however, they should also remain cognizant that many mood disorders (such as bi-polar disorder) often develop during adolescence and are frequently misdiagnosed because of the belief that all teens are “moody”.

According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). 9.0% of adolescents aged 12 to 17 (an estimated 2.2 million adolescents) experienced at least one major depressive episode in the past year. Those with a family history of mood disorders can show symptoms of the more serious condition of Major Depressive Disorder (or “clinical depression), but it may often be explained away as typical teen angst. Those adolescents who are moody or irritable and also exhibit signs of academic failure and risk taking behaviors are especially vulnerable.

Behavioral symptoms can often overlap with other disorders like Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. The overlap of these two disorders is estimated to be at least 15 %. A child may experience difficulty paying attention, be hyperactive, irritable or explosive, and having acting out behaviors. Even if they are being treated with ADHD medication, they can still experience erratic moods and behaviors Often times, their moods will fluctuate between hopelessness and elation, leading to impulsive behaviors and clouded judgment. It can be especially overwhelming for a teen when they experience these feelings concurrently.

Cases such as these should be evaluated by a therapist, adolescent psychiatrist or pediatrician immediately. Without a proper and accurate diagnosis, treatment cannot begin. There are a number of effective interventions and medications which can help to stabilize moods and bring children back to optimum functioning.

Left untreated, these adolescents are at a particularity high risk for academic failure, alcohol and drug abuse, risky behaviors, and suicidality. Suicide continues to be in the top three causes of death among adolescents.

By the time our children reach their teen years, parents have a good idea of who they are, what they are good at, and where they are vulnerable. Some moodiness during adolescence can be expected, but marked personality changes should alert parents of possible problems. Changes in their ability to take pleasure in activities, inability to sleep, decreased or extremely heightened energy levels, and rage inappropriate to the stimulus may all be signs of depression. And of course signs of failure in their own world, such as withdrawal from peer group activities, absenteeism, and behavior problems are all red flags that should not be overlooked.


Tuesday, September 8, 2009

A little bit of health with your mental health!

I know a lot of parents have concerns over H1N1 and the flu season this year, and it certainly seems like plenty of Bayside families have already been affected. Here are some tips from the New York Times:

September 8, 2009

Preparing for a Stressful Flu Season

A few weekends ago, a mother I know called to ask about swine flu after her daughter complained of breathing trouble and other worrisome symptoms. Fortunately, my friend quickly reached her pediatrician, who reassured her about the child’s condition.

But the conversation made me realize just how stressful this flu season is going to be for parents. Every sniffle and every cough is going to be scrutinized, awakening fears of the ominously named swine flu virus. How do you know when to relax? How do you know when to call the doctor?

Here are some answers to questions that will arise during what experts predict will be a very busy flu season:

How worried should we be?

When this new strain of H1N1 influenza emerged last spring, experts feared that it might follow the pattern of the 1918 flu, the world’s deadliest epidemic. That strain also showed up as a relatively mild spring virus but re-emerged in a more virulent form in the fall.

The new strain of H1N1 is not following that pattern. While it has accounted for about 90 percent of the flu virus circulating in the Southern Hemisphere, the strain is behaving a lot like seasonal flu, said Dr. Neil O. Fishman, an infectious-disease specialist at the University of Pennsylvania.

“There is a sigh of relief that the virus hasn’t mutated,” Dr. Fishman told me. “Fortunately, the swine flu that we’re seeing still is a moderate disease that is behaving very much like ordinary seasonal influenza.”

That said, Dr. Fishman noted that the virus was unpredictable and could still mutate. So people need to be vigilant about washing their hands, and if they develop symptoms they need to stay home.

And “ordinary” flu is not to be taken lightly. Each year in the United States, about 200,000 people are hospitalized with severe flu symptoms, and 36,000 die.

Are children at higher risk for swine flu?

A main difference between swine flu and seasonal flu is that people over 60 appear to have some immunity to swine flu, while younger people seem not to. And because children and young adults are more likely to gather in groups — at school and colleges — they are more vulnerable to catching all types of flu. So while the disease does not appear to be more severe than seasonal flu, a disproportionate number of young people will probably get it.

As with seasonal flu, some people will get very sick and some of them will die. Federal health officials report that at least 36 children in the United States have died of swine flu; most had nervous system disorders like cerebral palsy or developmental delays. Some, however, had been healthy; they died of bacterial infections that set in after the flu. Doctors speculate that children with nerve and muscle disorders can’t cough hard enough to clear the airways, putting them at higher risk for complications.

Each year seasonal flu kills 50 to 100 children, and it’s too soon to know whether swine flu will turn out to be more deadly. Up to 40 percent of children contract regular seasonal flu, said Dr. Nathan Litman, director of pediatric infectious diseases at the Children’s Hospital at Montefiore in New York City, who added, “We almost expect that as soon as school is open we’ll start seeing increased numbers.”

When will the swine flu vaccine be available? Will there be enough to go around?

The federal government has ordered 195 million doses of vaccine. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends it for health care workers, children and young adults ages 6 months to 24 years, pregnant women and people caring for an infant younger than 6 months.

While there will be enough vaccine to cover the recommended groups, the timing will vary. The vaccine is undergoing clinical trials, and the first 40 million doses or so should be available by Oct. 15. Thirty million more will be delivered by the end of October, and new batches each week after that.

The vaccine may require a second dose three weeks after the first, and it may take another two weeks for the body to build up full immunity, the C.D.C. says. That means those who receive flu shots in mid-October won’t be fully protected until late November.

How do I get a swine flu shot?

The government will distribute the vaccine through state health departments, which will send it to local health departments and doctors’ offices. Check with your family doctor to find out when it will be available.

What about the severe complications that followed the last swine flu shots, given in 1976?

In 1976, a swine flu vaccine was associated with Guillain-Barré syndrome (pronounced ghee-YAN bah-RAY), in which the body damages its own nerve cells, causing weakness and sometimes paralysis. The reasons are unclear; some studies found no link. Another study suggested that one person in every one million vaccinated for seasonal flu might be at risk for Guillain-Barré.

In 1976, however, techniques for rapidly making vaccine were much less sophisticated than they are now. And Dr. Fishman noted that existing flu vaccines contain components of the H1N1 virus, so “I do not consider this a new vaccine — the vaccine is being made the same way that every influenza vaccine is made.”

What are the symptoms of swine flu? When does it become an emergency?

In children, the warning signs include fast or troubled breathing, bluish or gray skin, and persistent or severe vomiting. If a child isn’t drinking enough fluids, is unusually hard to wake up, is not interacting or is so irritable that he or she doesn’t want to be held, you should call your doctor.

Adults with severe symptoms may also complain about pain or pressure in the chest or abdomen, sudden dizziness and confusion.

Children with underlying neurological problems should be quickly seen by a doctor if they run a fever. In otherwise healthy children, the main warning sign is that the child seems to feel better, then appears to relapse with a high fever. This signals a bacterial infection that must be treated with antibiotics. Even though such infections are seldom severe, the child should be seen by a pediatrician as quickly as possible.

Should I bother getting a seasonal flu shot?

Yes. Seasonal flu is as much of a concern as it has always been. Given that swine flu shots won’t be available until late in the season, a regular shot will protect you and your family from the body aches, cough and misery of seasonal flu, and allow you to cross one worry from your list.

Join the discussion at nytimes.com/well.

Monday, August 17, 2009

As heard/seen on NPR:

I thought some of you may enjoy this:

Mom, Dad, You're Driving Me Crazy!
by Richard Weissbourd

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=111895028&sc=fb&cc=fp

When my son was 15, I grounded him for violating his curfew. He moped around the house, silent but clearly furious. "If you're angry at me," I said, "let's talk about it."

"Dad," he grumbled, "I really don't want to talk about it. Stop trying to be my therapist."

My wife and I are parents of the psycho-therapeutic age. We are the generation that talks more about our feelings — and about our children's feelings — than any generation of parents in the history of humankind.

But are we going too far?

Walk onto almost any playground in middle and upper class communities and you hear some parents repeatedly asking about their children's feelings and noting their moods. "That must be frustrating for you." "Does that make you sad?" "You must be feeling tired."

This constant monitoring is irritating and intrusive. It's like pulling a bandage off a wound every five minutes to see if it's healing, or pulling a plant up every few minutes to see if it's growing.
And it can cause kids to get too wrapped up in their feelings. Each passing emotion takes on too much importance. Sometimes we also treat a child's feeling as if it is on trial for its life. We worry one betrayal will break our child's trust. Or that being excluded by a clique will crush our child's self-esteem. Yet children are far more resilient than that, and when we treat them as fragile it can undermine their confidence.

Often when we try hard to get teens especially to talk about their emotions we only drive them deeper into their shells. Try naming a teen movie in which the parents actually succeed in drawing their teens' feelings out.
Still, trying to help kids talk about their feelings is clearly important: bottling up or disconnecting from feelings such as anger, shame and sadness is a significant mental health risk. Knowing and being able to express them is a key to healthy relationships. As parents it is part of our job to help our children navigate and articulate their emotions.
But just as important, we need to recognize when to back off and let our kids' feelings un-spool. When we press kids to name or talk about their emotions, we can deprive them both of the richness of their feelings and of their ability to work them through on their own.

Before forgiving me for grounding him, then, my son may need to savor how stupid I am. He may need to rail against the injustice of the world. For a toddler or a teenager to manage difficult emotions, they may need to first have these feelings deeply and on their own terms. We tend these days to fill our kids' lives with too many organized activities. Let's not over-orchestrate their inner lives as well.

Richard Weissbourd is a lecturer at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. His newest book is The Parents We Mean to Be: How Well-Intentioned Adults Undermine Children's Moral and Emotional Development.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

A quick back to school post

I am busy trying to get things in order, but since I am struggling with getting back into the early morning routine myself, I thought I would share some information from Psychology Today regarding teens and sleep! New posts will come as the school year gets underway. See below:


Teens Need Their Zzz's

Friday, May 22, 2009

AAIS Conference

I am having a hard time believing it has been nearly two months since Bayside hosted the Alabama Association of Independent Schools Conference. I have an even harder time believing that my presentation on Popular Media and its effects on Teens and Tweens was so well attended! Since people keep asking me to view it (and I finally had an extra second of time on my hands), I am finally making it available here. If you are interested in having me present this at your parent/church/work or other group, I am available locally by honorarium!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

It seems this is life around Bayside as of late:
And I am not shocked in the least; I think the students have had summer on the brain since before Spring Break! But before unleashing our students on to the unsuspecting world, I wanted to remind everyone to have fun and be safe over the break. Inevitably, part of your child's summer will be spent as a coach potato (or a computer desk chair potato), and so I wanted to leave you with one of my favorite resource finds from this past year:




I am already looking forward to next school year, because thanks to funds from the Parent's Association and training + funds from The Jennifer Claire Moore Foundation the counselor's office will be able to expand and start new programs. I am looking forward to receiving feedback from parents, students, and faculty on what you believe the most pressing issues are for the Bayside family. Be sure to comment here or email me (ahembree@baysideacademy.org) and let me know. I will still be around either here or occasionally on campus over the summer, so please keep in contact!

Thanks for a fabulous first year!
-Amanda

Monday, May 11, 2009

Breaking the Cycle

As the school year winds down, I find that there is the tendency for "flare ups" among students who have unresolved issues with one another. Perhaps it is the stress of exam time or the anxiety of change looming, but whatever the cause, students are finding their way to my office in droves.

One of the main issues bringing students into my office is bullying, and while I can hope that some students will have a "magical summer" and mature out of this stage, two recent articles I have read tend to stop my hear momentarily.

The first article in the New York Times speaks of bullying in the workplace, especially by women to other women. The article mentions that researchers "found that some women may sabotage one another because they feel that helping their female co-workers could jeopardize their own careers." I have found this self-interest fueled sabotaging occurring in young female students, and worry that the cycle could continue well into their adult lives.

Another article from Medscape/WebMD explores the potential for bullied kids to become psychotic preteens. Here I read that "Investigators...found the risk for psychotic symptoms nearly doubled among children who were victims of bullying at age 8 or 10 years, independent of other psychiatric illness, family adversity, or the child's IQ, and increased nearly 4-fold when victimization was chronic or severe."


While I can address the issue of bullying as I witness it (or in Character Education,or through the Peer Counselors), there is only so much I can do, and most of it is reactive. Parents, however, can take the most proactive role in raising happy, healthy, non bullying kids! Here are a few tips and resources on how to promote having a child with character:
  • Be a good role model (AT ALL TIMES). Your children are watching and copying what you do, so make sure the images they are seeing are ones you want them to copy!
  • Turn off the violence! TV, movies, video games, etc. often promote and glorify violence. Your children internalize this as being "OK" and then copy it in the form of bullying.
  • Stress family time and family values. If your children know there are high expectations to be met and consequences for not meeting them, they will most likely strive to please you. Be clear on what your family values are and use every opportunity to discuss and promote them.
  • Educate yourself on what your child is doing so you can be proactive in dealing with things that may come up in their lives.
Some resources on how to handle bullying are listed below:
And finally, a quick note to inform you that Officer Shane Nolte from the Fairhope Police Department will be giving an informative talk on the risks of social networking at 6:30 PM on Monday. May 18th at Fairhope United Methodist Church. I urge all parents to attend with their children!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Full Bloom

Day two of my bootless existence led me out of the office and onto campus. Besides being giddy at the thought of being back in "regular" footwear, I took a moment to enjoy all the wonders filling the Bayside campus. I am truly hard pressed to imagine a more idyllic setting for learning, and many faculty members agree, judging by the amount of students learning on the Bluff. But the flowers aren't the only thing blooming here on campus. With AP Exams starting next week and SAT testing going on this week, anxiety is mixing in with the pollen in the air! For tips on soothing stress during exam time, I refer you back to this post.

Excitement is also mixing with the pollen, as the Seniors prepare to say hello to their futures and goodbye to their Bayside family. Many parents, however, are feeling trepidation over excitement; especially those facing their first/only child's college send off.

Change is always a difficult thing, and the transition from parenting a teen to parenting a young adult can be very difficult. If you have been a "helicopter parent", this transition can be even more trying. While your child may see leaving the nest as a big step towards independence, you might view it as losing them. While stereotypes often portray the mother falling apart when her "baby" grows up, it is often the father and siblings left behind that are effected the most by a child leaving for college. It is important for all family members to accept that their family system is changing, and each person will have to adjust to their new roles.

Use the last summer before your child leaves for college as a transitional try-out, knowing that in a couple of months you will have a young adult instead of a teenager. Soon enough, your child will be making their own decisions, you won't be waiting to see if they meet their curfew, they'll be picking their own classes/majors/life plans. Beware of turning your house into a battlegound before your child leaves! Establish house rules regarding curfews, having friends over, etc. and be clear about them so you don't add to any chaos during this "last summer". Use this as a jumping off point for creating ground rules for your child as they do leave the nest. Consider the following: How much do you want them to call? When do you want to visit? What's going to happen with finances? What's going to happen when they come home? Expectations will change for both parties, and it is important to recognize and accept that.

Technology will play a big role in helping you keep in touch with your college bound student, so also use the summer to learn how to use email, webcams, digital camera, Facebook, texting and so on before your child leaves (because they know how to use all these things better than you). The more new ways you can find to stay involved in each other's lives, the better. Don't stop communicating just because a child has left for college!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Spring Has Sprung...

And boy has it been busy around here! In fact, the Peer Counselors and I are off to help volunteer at the Eastern Shore Toyota Golf Tournament to benefit the Make-A-Wish Foundation! In other news, a big big BIG THANK YOU to the Jennifer Claire Moore Foundation for their grant to the Peer Counseling program for the next school year. It will make a huge difference in the quality of services we can provide!

I am leaving you with an article from Rutgers on Sleep Problems and ADHD:

From Reuters Health Information

Sleep Problems Common in Children With ADHD

[CLIN] - Sleep problems common in children with ADHD
Last Updated: 2009-03-26 12:39:42 -0400 (Reuters Health)

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Nonmedicated children with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) often have sleep disturbances characterized by difficulty falling asleep and short duration of sleep and of REM sleep, Canadian investigators have found.

"Clinicians have reported sleep problems in an estimated 25 to 50% of children with ADHD, and treatment of sleep problems has been shown to improve behavior and decrease the need for stimulant medication in children with ADHD," lead author Dr. Reut Gruber at McGill University told Reuters Health.

"My work is geared toward exploring new avenues of examination to help understand the basic mechanisms associated with ADHD, optimizing treatment, and minimizing unnecessary use of medication," she added.

To compare sleep architecture in children with and without ADHD, the researchers conducted standard overnight multichannel polysomnography evaluations performed at each child's home using a portable polysomnography device. The 15 children with ADHD and 23 normal controls (ages 7 to 11 years) were not taking medications and had not consumed caffeine for at least a week prior to the test.

According to results published in the March 1 issue of Sleep, those with ADHD averaged significantly reduced total sleep time (499 min) compared with the control group (533 min), reduced REM sleep (84 min vs 100 min), and a smaller percentage of REM sleep out of total sleep tie (17% vs 19%).

Parental questionnaire responses indicated significantly more problems with sleep onset delay, sleep anxiety, and insufficient sleep as indicated by daytime sleepiness.
These findings point to a "delayed endogenous circadian pacemaker" in children with ADHD, Dr. Gruber's team maintains.

Currently, Dr. Gruber is evaluating the benefits of light therapy or sleep extension for children with ADHD.

"Over the next 5 years," she continued, "I plan to study the mechanisms underlying the interplay between sleep, behavior and attention in children with ADHD, and to develop sleep-based therapeutic interventions for ADHD."

To that end, she has "obtained specialized equipment for measuring sleep and activity in the child's natural environment, instruments for measuring circadian parameters, as well as specialized software to measure neurobehavioral processes, neurophysiological functioning and to integrate observational and physiological methods."

Until such research is completed, she strongly advises physicians "to assess sleep and signs of daytime fatigue in children with ADHD. If this is the case, depending on the clinical picture, a thorough investigation should be made and recommendations should be tailored to each individual child."
Sleep 2009;32:343-350.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Not a Slumdog, not a millionaire

A little video from Slate V I wanted to share:

Monday, March 16, 2009

Bridging the Gap

"You can talk about anything if you go about it the right way, which is never malicious."
-Rodney Carrington

If you are feeling as though the gap between you and your child is growing wider with each passing moment, you are not alone. Since being on forced desk duty since breaking my foot, I have felt more than little out of the loop, frightened that this month in my office has caused me to lose all connection I had with the students!

I often have parents wonder how they can be closer to their children without (and that is the key word) smothering them. It seems that children are pushing their parents away at an earlier and earlier age. And no wonder, considering how much independence they are given!

Here are some easy (and cheap) ways to connect or reconnect with your children:

  • Make everyday moments matter: Instead of letting your child tune you out with his iPod or returning calls while ferrying them around, use the time you spend in the car with them as "connection" time, not "task" time. While you may have 1001 things to do before 9am, knowing what your child is up to is far more important. Also, don't take "nothing" or "fine" as complete answers. Another option is to take a 30 minute walk together. This forces together time and sneaks in a healthy habit as you get to know your child.
  • Watch your words: The quote above seemed very appropriate. I am often astounded at the way children speak to each other, their teachers, and their parents. But I am less shocked after listening to what they are hearing! Ensure you are modeling good behavior including clamping down on sarcasm and put downs. Try to speak respectful and cordially even when upset or not getting the same in return. The emotional damage that can occur from verbal assaults can have a lasting and devastating effect on your children. The calmer you are when you speak to your children, the more likely they will be to come to you with problems, but you will often have to be the one to open the lines of communication.
  • Reach out and touch: The effect of human touch is profound, children are not able to thrive without it. Touch sends a powerful message of closeness and connection without having to say anything. Seize every opportunity to hug your child, squeeze them on the shoulder, or give them a peck on the cheek. Some words of caution with teens: you have to respect their space and reputation, if you try to touch them with friends around, they will most likely rebuff you. Wait to you are alone, or find affection alternatives.
  • Slow it down: It is no small thing that children are overbooked with school, activities, sports, play dates, church and so on. There has never been a better time to push the pause button on you and your children's' lives in order to evaluate what is most important to you. This may take a little soul searching on your part, but it will be well worth it. Also, in slowing things down, you will observe many moments you will cherish that you would have missed in the non-stop schedule of before. Take time to play with your children with a game night. Camp out in the backyard, have a picnic in the living room. Teach your child something you learned as a child (like hula hooping or skating).
  • Date night or day: If you have more than one child, it is important to set aside a time one on one with each child, even if it is as simple as letting the oldest go to bed a little later one night a week to sit on the couch with you and chat. You don't have to go all out on these "dates", remember they are about reconnecting, not buying love! Also, don't forget to set aside time to spend with your partner, as you two need alone time just as much.
  • Lend a helping hand: A family is strengthened when each member knows that the other has their back. Enlist your children's help in household chores, and help them with school projects or studying. Another family strengthener is to do good together through volunteer work.
  • Gather round: One of "easiest" ways to connect with your children is to have the family sit down to eat at the same time. This is often difficult due to full schedules and working parents, but it strengthens bonds quickly. A family that eats together grows great children! Studies have shown that families that eat together have children that eat better, get into less trouble, and get better grades.

Sources: Associated Content http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/591709/5_ways_to_get_closer_to_your_child_pg2.html?cat=25
Parents Magazine http://www.parents.com/teens-tweens/communication/talking-to-kids/get-closer-to-teens/?page=3
Women's Day Magazine http://www.womansday.com/Content/Family-Lifestyle/12-Ways-to-Bring-Your-Family-Closer

Friday, March 6, 2009

Teen Girls and Depression

Another great article from Psychology Today, and I promise some original blogging to come soon:

Teen Angst Turns Deadly

Why girls are killing themselves


By: Eilene Zimmer

Middle school years have never been easy ones for kids, but girls today are having a particularly tough time. The suicide rate for girls ages 10 to 14 increased a whopping 76 percent in 2004, according to the latest numbers available from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. For those between 15 and 18, the rate went up more than 30 percent.

Alan Berman, a psychologist and director of the American Association of Suicidology in Washington D.C., says although the increase is worrisome, it could be just a random fluctuation. But child and adolescent psychologists report that the prevalence of self-harming behaviors—like cutting and burning—is also rising.

Steve Hinshaw, a clinical and developmental psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley, believes a combination of cultural and parental pressures is to blame. His book, The Triple Bind: Saving Our Teenage Girls from Today's Pressures, argues that girls today are subjected to unrealistic pressures from society and the media, and their once-private identity struggles are now public, thanks to the Internet. Girls are still socialized to be nurturing caregivers but are now pressured to excel academically and athletically as much as boys—all while remaining thin, sexy, and beautiful.

Female role models, Hinshaw says, are "ultra-sexy, ultra-feminized women, like the female surgeons on Grey's Anatomy or swimsuit-modeling tennis players" like Ana Ivanovic. Long gone are the days when girls revered women like Dorothy Hamill, Joan Baez, or Gloria Steinem. Now every preteen aspires to be Gabriella Montez, the lead female character in Disney's High School Musical franchise, who is not only sexy but a Broadway-caliber dancer and singer and a soon-to-be freshman at Stanford.

Girls feeling pressure to achieve often go frenetically from one activity to the next, leaving little time to develop coping skills, laments Alec Miller, chief of child and adolescent psychology at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York. "They don't have unstructured time to just hang out with friends," he says. "Yet this is when kids learn how to tolerate frustration, regulate emotions, and solve problems."

They also lack the privacy needed to work through the emotional struggles of adolescence because of cell phones, instant messaging, and social networking sites. "Let's say things aren't going well in middle or high school and you email someone about it," Hinshaw says. "Soon it's all over everyone else's email, text messages, MySpace, Facebook. Everyone knows what's going on in your life and they're all talking about it. You can't escape it." —Eilene Zimmerman

Parental Control

What can parents do about the increasing pressures on young girls? Miller advises cutting down extracurricular activities and turning off the computer and cell phone so kids have time just being with themselves: "They should not be continuously connected, because they need time with their own thoughts." Hinshaw says the answer may be in getting middle-schoolers to think about something other than themselves, like ecology, politics, or community service: "They need a connection to something deeper than themselves, their friends, and their appearance."

Psychology Today Magazine, Jan/Feb 2009
Last Reviewed 23 Feb 2009
Article ID: 4759

Monday, March 2, 2009

Welcome Back!

I hope you all had a safe, happy, and healthy Mardi Gras break! I know I needed the time off, though a lot of that need came from the breaking of my foot while falling down the stairs at my home (perhaps I need to blog about home safety?). While trying to get back on top of everything, I decided to share this article with you from Psychology Today:

The Wonder Years: A Parent's Toolkit
Tips on surviving the teen years—no, really.


There are a few things every parent needs to know. Hopefully your teen has figured out that he needs to floss, eat veggies, move his legs, sleep, sleep, and more sleep. But aside from the virtual givens, there are a few well-researched musts that can help you manage the teen years. For example: Stop hovering over your teen, do promote healthy make believe, and touch to connect. Some of you may not believe it, but you can influence your child's outcome to a good degree. And here are a few ways to get there:

Tabula Rasa?

Experts are finding that parents appear to have little effect on how their children turn out, that is of course after genes are accounted for. That's right: Genes influence our personalities more than we know. Some kids are just born cheery, and some are born moody. Don't get the idea wrong, as parents do matter. They matter in the way they enhance a child's environment; one that will fit a particular child's genes. One size does not fit all. Then there are also thinkers like Judith Rich Harris who believe that group socialization is the force to be reckoned with. In other words, your child's peers have way more sway.

Touch to Connect

Don't ever try to kiss your teen in public. You'll be sorry. When he was 16, my son walked with me down to the corner store. As soon as he saw a group of girls he knew, he sped up. His long legs carried him ahead of me. A peck on the cheek was off limits at that moment. But truthfully, a teen needs his hugs and kisses. He called me right after by cell phone and said he had to hurry: "I'll see you at home. And Mom, I love you." Kids are not stupid, they know that the familiar calms and soothes. In fact, being near a loved one triggers the release of oxytocin, the hormone that induces attachment and contentment.

Gift of Gab

Let your kids talk—and talk about tough topics. A child who shares his feelings about sadness and anger will more likely become resilient. In their study, researchers from Emory University examined conversations among families. The more kids were encouraged to share the more they were likely to have better self-esteem and better social skills—especially when discussing difficult events. Talking about a difficult event, like a death for example, gives kids a chance to hear and be heard. Such an exchange of feelings and viewpoints helps them master negotiation skills, too.

Stop Hovering

In her book, A Nation of Wimps, Hara Estroff Marano shows just how harmful a hovering parent can be. This type of parent tries to smooth the child's ride, so much so that the kid becomes wholly fragile. Now the teen does not know how to manage life and its adversities. What's more: This invasive parent wants to turn her child into a trophy, which pushes the kid to strive for perfection—and there's nothing good about perfection. Instead of being lead by their passions, they are just fearful of making mistakes.

Green Acres

Trees and shrubs and bushes and flowers do more than help your kids smell the roses. Greenery, in effect, means less obesity. A study in The Journal of Preventive Medicine shows that among 3,800 inner city children, those who lived in neighborhoods that had more green space enjoyed lower risk of obesity. This is regardless of age, race, or sex. Greenery reduces pollution, decreases the heat index, heightens aesthetics, and encourages physical activity. Another study from Cornell University showed that even houseplants have a stress-busting effect as well.

Make Believe

When you think of school curriculums, does your mind wander to tests, curves, and medians? What happened to free thought and plain old curiosity? Experts, such as those at the National Institute of Play, have found that a child who is cooped up in a classroom memorizing words on a chalkboard will be woefully unprepared. We are designed to play, run, chase, and discover. That's how we come up with creative solutions to difficult problems—yes, even us adults. And, of course, that's how we learn to think for ourselves.

Toast Your Child

We all know that beer pong as well as other fast-and-furious chugalug games are not going away anytime soon. Addiction expert and Psychology Today blogger Stanton Peele has a lot to say about drinking—especially drinking among young people. Teen binge drinking is a fact. Peele notes that 90 percent of young people drink by age 21 and that the typical youthful drinking style is bingeing; also half of 21-year-olds and a third of 18-year-olds binge at least monthly. Peele suggests that we teach our kids how to drink, and how to drink responsibly.

Psychology Today Online, 19 Jan 2009
Last Reviewed 9 Feb 2009
Article ID: 4746 Psychology Today © Copyright 1991-2009 Sussex Publishers, LLC
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Friday, February 6, 2009

Model, model, model

One of the hardest things I try to teach my Peer Counselors in training is to model good behavior. I think one of the reasons for this is that most of the behavior they observe is anything but good.

One of my guilty pleasures on the rare occasions that I have some spare time is flipping through the endless channels of "reality" television. I happened across The Real Housewives of (Insert County) recently, and I have to say part of me is fascinated with the portrayal of these women. It got me to thinking about the children a) being raised in these environments and b) children observing and thus modeling such spoiled behavior.

The line between wanting to provide the best for your children and the act of spoiling is sometimes hard to find, especially as it often seems to move! But crossing that line can create children that are manipulative, self-centered, demanding and unreasonable. I firmly believe that no parent would want their children to turn out that way (if you disagree, please come by my office).

Sherry Rauh over at WebMD has put together a list of "10 Ways to Raise a Spoiled Child". Below are the ways, and you can read how to avoid them or reverse potential damage here.
  1. Making your child the center of the world
  2. Ignoring positive behavior
  3. Accidentally rewarding negative behavior
  4. Failing to put clear limits on your child's behavior
  5. Not enforcing rules consistently
  6. Picking fights you can't win
  7. Not holding your child accountable
  8. Giving your child gifts for the wrong reasons
  9. Giving in to temper tantrums
  10. Acting like a spoiled child yourself
Realizing that children don't come with manuals (neither do parents as I tell my students), I am considering offering Active Parenting groups here at Bayside. If you are interested, please give me a call or email me!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Letter to Sophmore Parents

Peer Counselor Program

For those of you I have not had the pleasure meeting, I would like to introduce myself. I'm Amanda Hembree, Bayside Academy's Counselor and Peer Counselor Coordinator. I counsel all students from Pre-School to High School, who may need help with certain problems in their lives. As a parent, I'm sure you are aware of some of the problems of today's youth. Sadly to say, it's just not easy to be a child anymore!

Today's youth struggle with more emotions, dramatic conflicts, and increasing responsibility for their own lives. They often display low self-esteem and poor communication skills. Children are uncertain about appropriate values, and feel more peer pressure to do harmful actions, like drink alcohol, and/or take drugs. Because of these problems, there are necessary programs needed in today's education systems that help prepare children for today's society. One national program that has made a difference in helping school's resolve these problems, is a program called Peers @ Work.

This program is an academic class, taught to selected students who are interested in helping themselves and others. These special students are called "Peer Helpers", or "Peer Counselors", both titles are used nation wide. There are many benefits of having Peer Counselors at Bayside Academy. For instance, research has shown that peers have a great influence over another peer's life. Therefore, this influence is what allows a Peer Counselor program to be very successful. Peer Counselor's primary goals are to assist students with academic, personal, and social needs. Peer Counselors become the school's role models.

All Sophomore student's interested in the Peer Counselor program will go through a selection process. First, the interested student must complete an application. The application requests a brief description of the student's activities, an essay on why they want to be a Peer Counselor, and asks the student to select two teachers of whom they want to complete a student evaluation form. Upon completion of the application process, the student will participate in a brief interview, in which they will answer questions regarding their desire to become a Peer Counselor. Based on the completion of the required steps, a committee comprised of Tom Johnson, William Carroll, and myself, will choose whom we feel will be the most effective Peer Counselors at Bayside Academy.

After the selection process is completed, the selected students will take the Peer Counselor course in both semesters of their Junior year. The students will then implement their learned skills during their Senior year, as the school's Peer Counselors. Peer Counselors are exclusively Seniors, and will be available to help all of Bayside Academy's student body, even the little ones.

Those selected as Peer Counselors will be appropriately trained on how to help students suffering from such problems as: drug and alcohol abuse (oneself or a family member), eating disorders, depression, peer pressure, coping with a loss of a family member, medical illness (oneself or a family member), struggling academically in one or several subjects, relationship problems (friends or family), ethical dilemmas, peer conflicts, and several other topics as well.

Through learning how to handle some of today's realistic problems facing their peers, Peer Counselors will have an extra advantage on other students. In helping other's resolve their problems, Peer Counselors will learn skills that allow them to effectively manage their loves as well. Peer Counselors will learn life long skills that will guide them into adulthood. They will learn such skills as: empathy, integrity, communication skills, facilitating classroom discussions and/or group discussions.

The Peer Counselor course is a credited course, which students will receive credits throughout their Junior and Senior year. Because of the national regard of the Peers @ Work program, colleges and universities will be delighted to see this on any child's admission forms. If you have any questions, or concerns regarding the course, please contact me at (251) 338-6432 or ahembree@baysideacademy.org

Sincerely,
Amanda L. Hembree, MS LPC NCC
Bayside Academy Counselor and Peer Counselor Coordinator

Friday, January 9, 2009

"It's 10PM. Do you know where your children are?"

Back in a more innocent time, this public service announcement was broadcast throughout America’s living rooms on a nightly basis. While it is still a good question to ask even today, a more pressing question is “It’s anytime, do you know what your child is doing online?”

Technology is everywhere, and while it has done so much good in the world, there are also just as many (if not more) downsides. How many times have you joked about technology making your life “easier”? In many ways it has, but it also has given children and adolescents access to information well beyond their maturity level and emotional capabilities. You might not be able to be everywhere at all times, but with your child and his laptop/cell phone they can be!

The very idea that a minor can be everywhere always is pretty frightening and overwhelming, but there are some simple things parents can do to help minimize any potential damage:
  • Education: You have to know about the things and ways children are accessing the web. Know if your child’s cell phone is internet capable (and remove the service at the provider level if you don’t want them to be able to use it). Know if they are on Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Livejournal, Second Life, etc. For a list of major active social networking sites, click here. Know how to use those sites if your child is on them.
  • Communication: Talk to your children openly, honestly, and often about how much time they are spend online and where they are going while they are there. Sit down with your child and review his/her page(s) and those of their friends. Discuss any questionable or problematic content immediately. Keep in mind that children and adolescents tend to be very trusting and open up easily online. Often times, they do not understand that something they post online is there for the entire world to see and future colleges, employers etc. may be looking into their “internet personality”. Talk to other parents to see if they are monitoring their child online (that old adage about safety in numbers is true).
  • Prevention: Come up with ground rules for internet usage. Keep the computers out in the open, by merely being able to see what is going on you can prevent a lot of nefarious activities. Avoid webcams, especially if the computer is kept behind close doors (this avoids the temptation to easily post pictures they may regret deeply later in life). Fill up your computer with the latest internet security tools and make sure you keep up to date on virus software.
Some websites I have found to be useful:
NetSmartz
WiredSafety
ProtectKids

Feel free to contact me at anytime if you want to talk more about parenting and internet safety!
Best,
Amanda