The Best Way to Reduce Holiday Stress

I woke well before the alarm this morning, full of holiday joy and terror. The joy was over the impending break, the contagious excitement of the students, and an early morning viewing of Elf (how can Buddy the Elf not cheer you up?). The terror...well I don't have to tell any of you where stress comes from during the holidays.

I think the very best way to combat this stress is to REMEMBER TO BREATHE!

But if that isn't enough for you, here are the top ten relaxation tips for reducing holiday stress from the kind people over at selfguided.com:

1. Create realistic expectations -- don't try to make this the perfect holiday.
2. Learn to say "no" to extra obligations that might stress you out.
3. Take short relaxation breaks to let go of tension.
4. Get involved in a volunteer activity where you help others.
5. Tap into your natural creativity and create a hand-made gift.
6. Eat and drink sensibly, and get plenty of exercise and sleep.
7. Practice being a peacemaker if family squabbles erupt.
8. Balance your spending of time and money to improve your quality of life.
9. Create a new holiday tradition that builds connections among your family and friends.
10. Reflect on the deeper meaning and spirit of the holidays for you personally, for your family, and for humanity and the world.

If you are doing some last minute online shopping and would like to browse some more tips, Suite 101 has 65 ways to reduce holiday stress.

I look forward to seeing you at Christmas Together tomorrow and I wish you all a happy, healthy, and stress-free break!

Talking it Out

It is important to establish and maintain good communication with your child. Building a close relationship with your child when they are young will make it easier for them to come to you with problems when they are older. Get into the habit of talking to you child everyday, about the good and the bad. Communication is vital at all times, but especially in times of crisis. While your gut instinct may be to protect your child from the evils of the world, the best thing you can do is listen and hear them out. The Youth Suicide Prevention Program has put together a few guidelines, which you can print out for yourself here:

• Without judgment, comment on the verbal and/or non-verbal behavior that you are concerned about: “I’ve noticed that you have been looking sad for several days.”
• Invite your child to talk about his/her feelings: “Tell me what’s going on.”
• Put yourself in your child’s place; respect his/her feelings.
• Allow your child to talk more than you do. Avoid interruptions or distractions.
• Avoid unkind words that ridicule, shame or label your child: “You get everything you want; what do you have to be depressed about.”
• Ask your child one question at a time and then wait for the answer; be comfortable with silence.
• Avoid diagnosing and/or giving advice; express concern and offer reassurance. “I’m on your side….we’ll get through this together.”
• Share a book, video or game about feelings to help open up the dialogue. Create a color wheel and assign colors to feelings, use a drawing of a thermometer to gauge their feelings, or use a chart with expressions of feelings to check in with them.
• Help your child see that there are different ways of resolving his/her feelings. Discuss the options. “You could go and talk with your teacher about the ‘D’ grade that you got on your last exam. Let’s practice how you would talk with your teacher.” or “We could get you a tutor.” or “I could help you study for the next exam.”
• Inform your older child about helpful resources that are available in the community, i.e. the school nurse or counselor, a teacher, the family doctor or a church group leader. Communicate with these adults and create a support network by sharing your concerns.
• Develop a “plan of action.” What does your child agree to do? What are you committed to doing?” When will the two of you talk again? Do you need to seek professional help?
• Communicate love and acceptance of your child’s feelings and acknowledge the courage that it takes to talk about “hard things”. Acknowledge your willingness to talk again.

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) also is a great resource for knowing the warning signs and preventing suicide in young people. Click here for more information.

In the wake of a tragedy, it is hard to know what is a “normal reaction” or the “right thing” to say. Most often, just being willing to talk or listen to your child is the thing that is needed the most. The Mayo Clinic has some helpful information on healing after a loved one’s suicide, including the physical and emotional aftereffects. Read more from them here.

It’s the most wonderful stressful time of the year…

With Thanksgiving behind us, a definite chill in the air, and the anxious faces of book-laden students streaming from the Upper School, I can only assume that two things are right around the corner: exams and Christmas!

First, since I am concerned that a child might permanently pull something carrying around their overstuffed backpacks, I am going to tackle the subject of exam stress. A post about general holiday stress for parents will follow shortly.

As the first semester of the 2008-09 school year draws to a close, students are busy studying for exams. Some appear more frazzled than others, and I have to wonder how some students appear so nonchalant.

A quick and unofficial poll revealed that the calmest of students are the ones that have bigger fish to fry. Namely the Seniors, who are more worried about their college acceptance letters that their blasé high-school exams. Collected students in other grades admit they might be a little stressed out, but are trying to not worry too much about it, stating “if I don’t know it by now, I’m not ever going to know it”. These are the students that have been studying all along using a plan and some time management skills since the beginning of the school year (if not longer).

For those students feeling the pressure a little more than they can handle, there is still time (and hope)!

To these students I say:

• Don’t procrastinate! While you aren’t out of time, you are cutting it close. Studies have shown if you procrastinate at the end of the semester you are more susceptible to higher stress levels and illnesses.
• Prioritize! Ask yourself some questions: Which final comes first? Which paper is the longest/most challenging/first due? For which subject do I need the most study time? Which teacher grades the hardest? Which tests/assignments will make the most difference to my final grades? If you know you have a borderline grade in a class, you should probably study more for that one than the class you are already doing well in.
• Create a schedule! A real one that you write down on paper and can stick to. Be realistic about the time you have left to study. Keep in mind when you study best, as some people are early birds and some people are night owls. Study your hardest subjects when you are at your studying best.
• Don’t experiment! Now is not the time to try new studying techniques. How you learn best is how you need to study. Think about your classes and what information you remember the most. Do you learn better by hearing, reading, seeing or doing? Use that same method in your studying. Also, use whatever study space has worked for you in the past. Whether it is the library, kitchen table, or sprawled on the couch you should stick to the same place that has worked before.
• Ask! It never hurts to ask your teacher for more information about the exam; you never know what information you may get. Know the format of the exam in advance, as you may need to study in different ways for multiple choice or essay formats.
  

I also give these simple reminders:

• Eat right! Garbage in, garbage out as the saying goes. If you remember to make healthy food choices, you will be rewarded with an attentive brain and a happy body.
• Buzz off! While caffeine may seem like a gift from above, it really is a temporary fix. That coffee/cola/specialty drink may give you the jolt you need now, but you will crash later. Too much of the stuff can negatively effect your sleep, disrupt your heart rhythms, cause you to feel anxious, and affect your ability to focus (I am throwing away the rest of my can of Coca-Cola now!).
• Sweat it out! Physical activity, even in small amounts, can lower your stress level. So get off of Facebook, and do something. Even if it is just a killer game of Wii tennis. Just ten or twenty minutes of exercise can help clear your head enough to cram in all those dates and facts you’ve been neglecting. Not to mention it helps you with my next point…
• Catch those Zzzzzzzs! Stress makes you anxious, and anxiety can cause you to not sleep. This never ending cycle is a disaster waiting to happen. Pulling an all-nighter is not going to help you ace your exam. You need sleep more than you need a couple of extra foggy studying hours. Turn in as early as you can, and make sure you give yourself enough time away from the books to relax before you try to go to sleep.
• Break-up! No really, every fifty minutes spent studying earns you a ten minute break. But use that time to clear your head. Stretch, meditate, take the dog for a walk, or listen to some music. Don’t give in to the temptations surrounding you in the forms of your computer, cell phone, friends, video games etc.
• Get a life! However, still have a life outside of studying. If going to soccer practice helps to keep you calm, then don’t skip it. If you think you will die if you miss One Tree Hill, watch it, but then get back to the books. Downtime is allowed, but don’t use it to procrastinate.
  

Most importantly, when exams are over and you are free for break, give yourself a little reward, because you earned it (and maybe clean out that backpack before you hurt yourself)!